You Have to be Single to be a Single Mom

I came across an article that I pinned yesterday so I could read it; so glad I did. It is just a bit over a year old however it still rings true. Kristen Tea wrote an eloquent piece about the difference in being a single parent vs a married one based on her life. You can read the entire article here as I'm sure I cannot do it justice.

First I'd like to say thank you to Kristen for that wonderfully well put article. I am a single mom, have been since my daughter's father decided, while I was pregnant, that he wasn't going to be a father. I have raised her alone since birth, she will be 20 this March (2016) - her entire life.

I agree with you on all your points, Kristen, married mothers are not single mothers just because their spouse goes away on a business trip or friend weekend, same goes for the dads out there. There is still support emotionally, mentally and financially. There struggles are still real with hard decisions to be made for the best of their family - no denying that.

While I had a support system when it came to child care, all the decisions were mine and mine alone to make regarding the welfare of my daughter. Bedtimes, meals, to play sports or not, can she have a sleepover or will it disrupt the day - you get the point. Doing it alone if the toughest thing I have ever done but not something I would change for anything in the world.

If in your past you were a truly a single parent - working full time so you could pay the rent, the utilities, put food on the table, clothes on you and your child's back, then you are a single parent. If you did all of that and are now married, share responsibilities with another, you are no longer a single parent - those struggles are no longer yours to handle alone, be thankful.

If you have support, true support from a spouse, be thankful, grateful and appreciate the partnership. You still struggle in your own ways but your struggles can be shared with another.

To all the moms out there making comments about how women should ban together and support one another, I couldn't agree more however don't claim my single parent struggles as your own. I won't claim your where should we go on vacation, handsome husband makes so much money I don't know what to do with it struggles. Ok - seriously, I know families struggle, some spouses are abusive (mentally and / or physically), lazy, don't work or help around the house. To those spouses; I won't claim your struggles however you are in my prayers for the strength to do what is best for you and your child(ren).

Being A Single Parent...

...is easy, said no one ever!!

Now I don't complain about being a single parent, I didn't have to share the hugs, snuggles, hand holding or kisses when she was little. I also didn't get to share the 3 am fevers, bloody noses (allergies) or hospital visits. But still not complaining, she is my little girl even at almost 20 years old. 

Some of the most difficult times come when I've lost a job or simply don't make enough to pay bills. This year has been a rough one, I lost my job in January. Now that she is older my daughter is very aware of what's going on, especially since I am home almost everyday searching, talking and interviewing. When she was younger it was easier to keep her from knowing and stressing. I think this year with what's happened she is as stressed as I am about my situation. In reality it is our situation since I pay all the bills, household, cell phone, her car payment, insurance...everything. I wish she didn't know the struggle, that she was that innocent little girl that felt lucky to have mom home from work early.

I believe that from my struggle this year my daughter will learn a valuable lesson at a young age, one I wish I had learned, to be prepared for such an event...no work, job, position for almost a year.

Now heading into fall with all the activities we love to do will be even more stressful than before (no job / disposable income vs. limited disposable income). At least with limited disposable income we could participate in some of the events.

I hope learning this lesson will help my daughter prepare and make sure she has a safety net so if she falls victim to a lay off the stress won't be as horrible on her as it has been on me. I know for sure once I am actively working again I will begin building a safety net for me so this does not happen again.